dressin'

Tuesday blouse

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What I am wearing: jeans-Topshop Jamie, sweater-alcott fashion, blouse-camden market in London

I can’t quite put these first days of my week into words. I love how I live right now, vintage/retro fashion makes me happy, blogging makes me happy, even writing that positivity diary makes me happy, but there is so much else to the whole picture. Attending class for only 2 weeks now has made a mark on me already. I feel drained, not of what I have done, but what is to come. I am actually happy to have my birthday soon, but I have so many meetings, appointments and things to clear up before that day and I haven’t even invited my friends over for that day. The very special day I’ll turn into an adult. Not really, okay, maybe I do not want to completely grow up, but there are things at the moment, that I learn to do and that I have to do, that mostly adults do. Paying bills, going food shopping, making and attending appointments, cooking for oneself, washing clothes and cleaning everything where I live. My day doesn’t end somewhere between midnight, I am always aware, that there’s something to do. This year I wanted to lessen the pressure on my shoulders, so I am choosing the easiest ways to live life, trying to get the easiest school works (that may just vary in the point of view) and just not fill my head with millions of things to do. But then theres this thing that can’t happen how I want it, I have to deregister myself from many libraries and services and book a flight, care for myself, take on weight, not always think about food, do what I like, archive my goals. I am stressed okay, and this mightn’t be my best day, after receiving money for this and last week (about which I should be happy, because I’ve been living of very little money last week) I cried a little in the bed. Sometimes it all gets too much and only the thought of not wanting to ruin my white bedding with black mascara let me stop.

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