What I am wearing: second hand jumper/dress, Primark tights, vintage belt, accessorize earrings
today I want to share my story with my body and some things I kind of learned along the way, to kickstart this series on my blog. This topic is so huge to females and especially young ones like myself. At such a young age we start to question our figure, eating habits, sport routines and weight. What should be wrong with it, which picture are the medias giving us about the perfect body? There are young girls, even 10-year-old struggling with real eating disorders like anorexia nervosa or bulimia, those cases get younger and younger every year and they get more. When we come to think about this illness, it’s that it probably only exists in the 1st world, because we would have enough of everything and still we are not satisfied. I don’t want to make anyone battling with this bad, I have struggled with it myself for a long and hard time and I now wish, I would never have started with this wholly wrong ideology.
Of course it all started when I was quite young, around 14, I guess, when I became vegetarian, for ethical reasons, but if I am being honest, I asked my friend explicitly if she lost weight after going vegetarian. She did and that was enough for me, still I ate very much and I loved food and cooking. It was one of my favorite hobbies, cooking and eating, especially with friends. I ate very much and people began to tell me, that they thought it was unusual, how much I ate. I want t remind you, that I was very skinny, slightly curvy around the hips, I had a very good figure, now I know that! They asked me, where I put all the stuff I was eating, because I wasn’t taking on weight, but I, of course, knew, where it all went. I saw all the places every bite went, still I was hungry all the time and I ate. At times in 10th grade when I wasn’t feeling well, mentally, I hopped onto the train of going vegan. That was after my move into a very small town, I was feeling like a waste of time and all, so I thought I should do something good for the environment and all and even healthier than I already did. Everything had to be organic and fresh and green and fruity, seeds and all. You might know what I mean, what was in my small little brain. No sugar, no while flour, no fat, no sweets, no chips, no crisps, no. So I went vegan, full on, for a month, even doing the rawtill4 etc., until someone good awoke me out of my delirium. Then it was better again, tough I had taken on weight when I was eating vegan. That was weird, in hindsight, I don’t understand it until today. The thing is I never weighted myself, but I think I was always around a number, but I never tried to lose weight and weight myself like every day. That’s not me. Then came eleventh grade and I was still feeling miserable, I was feeling bad with my friends,with everything, I didn’t think I was good enough. So I skipped meals, because I thought I didn’t deserve it for whatever reason. There were reasons, but no reasons are big enough to hurt yourself, none! You are just as important as any one human being! There’s hope for everyone!
Don’t think you can get out of a eating disorder yourself, please get help, no matter at what stadium you are! And please don’t think like I did, that you could stop at a certain weight, you won’t be able, because you are afraid to take it all on in no time. The secret I am going to tell you now is, you won’t. It takes so much time and effort, it is very hard, but it is good. Gosh, so good. You can live again, don’t starve yourself for anyone or anything. You deserve indulgence and it does not matter which size you are!
I really want to accept my body how it healthily (has become such a important word to me) is and I want to embrace every body type there is. What would we be if we all looked the same, same old matches. You’ll enjoy life and everything that comes with it 100 % more, when you love yourself. I can speak out of experience. I spent too long in a clinic, which helped me like nothing else. I am so grateful for everything I learned there and at my time in the flat, but I’ve still got some way to go with body acceptance and this blog is my platform for therapy, so I am kick-starting this series with the hardest part, I guess.
Accepting my history and moving on to the next chapter.
Loving myself fully.